Saturday, 26 January 2013

Epic Names for Non-existent Bands

Yes, when I am bored, I make up band names. Ruby and I are actually in a band with Charlie and Fletcher and one of Fletcher’s friends Alec (I play drums). Our name is Rock Solid Panda and we don’t actually really do anything performance wise; it’s more for the street cred. We did have a couple of practices in Fletcher’s shed, but we kind of disbanded though when Ruby dumped Fletcher. But, on my original topic, here are some band names I made up.

Army of Angels
Millennium Lint
Inky Fingers
Total Strangers
The Lovesick Moo-Cows
One Little Star
The Rebellion
We Eat People
Vanilla Stars
Iron Hearts
This Endless War
I’ll Tell You Tomorrow
Beware the Squirrels
Handle With Care
Legion of the Dead
Rainbow Hearts
Broken Piano
The Loser Dudes
Point Blank
Fallen Angels
Fragile Things
Order and Discord
Down the Rabbit Hole
Paper Birds
Still Fighting It
Dancing in the Darkness
Choose Your Weapon
Lost Souls
Aliens Anonymous

 I came up with most of these, but Point Blank and Choose Your Weapon are trademarked by Fletcher, Beware The Squirrels was courtesy of Ruby, Alec came up with Total Strangers and Aliens Anonymous, One Little Star was Charlie’s, and I kind of kidnapped Millennium Lint off Cassandra Clare. Which are your favourites?

Monday, 21 January 2013

My Favourite Word (and why it is so)

Ahhh yes, a dare from my friends over at Nanowrimo. They are helping me in my nefarious plan to suffocate you all in a mountain of my blog posts.
Well yes, I have to say what my favourite word is and why ….
Which is somewhat fitting since my entire last post was about coolness words. And while I do indeed love the word quiddity (it just sounds so damn cool. and it makes me think of Harry Potter) my All Time Favourite Word is ….
(drum roll please)
Damn yeah it’s just that cool. And I know it’s a completely random word, but it’s just so fun to say!
anemone. anemone.
And it’s also one of those words how you say it lots and lots of times and it just loses all meaning whatsoever (actually all words do this for me but meh its funny)
and also it is spelt funny. It’s one of those words that you write correctly, but then, even though you know it’s right, you just sit there and stare at it forever, questioning it’s existence.
And also it has absolutely no synonyms. It’s the ONLY word in the world that means what it does.
I yuv it.


Saturday, 19 January 2013

How to Make Yourself Intelligent

I have just discovered something marvellous! This incredible innovation is certain to change the lives of slacking teenagers everywhere! The Intelligence Pill™ is guaranteed to make you 95% smarter than you really are! Ace tests, wow your friends and just generally be amazing! The Intelligence Pill™ retails at only one billion pounds per pill, and will (most likely) be shipped to your house within a hundred years of purchase. Buy The Intelligence Pill™ today and you WON’T regret it.

Okay, so maybe I don’t really have a pill that will make you super smart (I wish), but I DO have something EVEN BETTER.
Super long cool sounding words.
They make you sound like a genius, but they are completely FREE. I myself am quite sesquipedalian (given to the use of long words) and when my friends and I confabulate (discuss something) they often find me quite prolix (tiresomely wordy) as they say my extensive vocabulary is otiose (serving no useful purpose).
Here are some of my favourites:

Gallimaufry: a collection of odds and ends
Prestidigitation: sleight of hand used while performing magic tricks
Chthonic: dwelling beneath the surface of the earth
Pusillanimous: lacking courage or resolution
Hebetude: mental lethargy, stupidity or sluggishness
Esurient: extremely hungry or greedy
Ratiocination: the process of logical and methodical reasoning

 Some people may find this pointless, but for others, it may be their quiddity (the distinctive quality of someone or something). I mean, imagine complaining to your mother about how obstreperous (noisy and unruly) your siblings are. You may become invidious (likely to arouse resentment or envy) which could make you lugubrious (extremely mournful or sad), but think of how astonished your friends and family will be at your new-found intelligence! Just pop a couple of these beauties into an assignment, and you’re pretty much guaranteed and A! (no promises).
So use this cheaper alternative to The Intelligence Pill™ and I assure that you’ll be amazed by the results.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Books/Series that everyone should be forced to read.

This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for quite a while but never have. Until now. So here it is. My list of books/series that everyone should be forced to read, ranked in order of complete epicness.

1.       THE INFERNAL DEVICES by Cassandra Clare

Only the greatest series on the face of the earth. Written by one Cassandra Clare, it is simply beautiful. At least, William Herondale, one of its 3 main characters, is. (Yes, now you all know where he’s from. Now you should go and read it to find out what the fuss is about.) This series has nowhere near the amount of recognition that it should. Brilliantly written, with amazing characters, wonderful jokes, and an awesome main storyline. Gaze upon the words written on the back cover:
When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray arrives in England during the reign of Queen Victoria, something terrifying Is waiting for her in London’s Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Friendless and hunted, Tessa seeks refuge with the Shadowhunters, a band of warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons. Drawn ever deeper into their world, she finds herself fascinated by – and torn between – two best friends and quickly realizes that love may be the most dangerous magic of all.
Yes, I know the last line there makes it sound all romantic and lovey-dovey, and there is some romantic angst, but mostly she’s just busy trying not to get killed in a multitude of different ways. It’s good, trust me.

2.       THE HUNGER  GAMES by Suzanne Collins

Yes, most of you are probably already aware of ‘the Hunger Games Phenomenon’ and may have even read the books, but for those of you who haven’t, DO IT. The first book is even better than the movie (by far) and the second and third are also incredibly amazing. Admittedly, I did almost kill myself at the end of the third book, because I was totally not happy with a bunch of the characters dying, but if it had been written any other way I probably would have been all *pfft* like hell it ended up that happily.
In a dark vision of the near future, a terrifying reality TV show is taking place. Twelve boys and twelve girls are forced to appear in a live event called the Hunger Games. There is only one rule: kill or be killed. When sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen steps forward to take her sister’s place in the games, she sees it as a death sentence. But Katniss has been close to death before. For her, survival is second nature.
So yeah, basically just your average book about teenagers killing each other. It’s amazing, if somewhat disturbed.

3.       THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green

When I read this, I cried. Yes, really. I stayed strong through a multitude of deaths in the Hunger Games, I stayed strong when Tessa picked the wrong boy in The Infernal Devices.
But in this book, I cried.
And cried, and cried, and cried and cried.
And whenever I read it I cry again.
And then I told Ruby about it and she read it and she cried. (But she cried in Shrek when Shrek thought Fiona loved someone else so yeah.)
But I also laughed hysterically because it is very funny. And I love all the characters and basically I just love love love everything about this book.
Despite the tumour-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten.
Basically, you should read it. So you can cry too.

4.       PERCY JACKSON by Rick Riordan

This movie was terrible. Just putting it out there to start off with. Technically, it was an okay movie, but in comparison to the books, it epic failed. Basically because they completely destroyed the storyline. And now they’re making another one. What is the world coming too? At least with Eragon, they had the decency to let it drop once they realised the first movie they’d made had failcaked.
But no. They’ve dug Percy Jackson’s grave, and now they’re dancing on it.
Is there no respect?
But back on topic, I actually prefer the Heroes of Olympus (the second series) to the original Percy Jackson series, but you kind of need to read them in order.  So yeah.
Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood. I never asked to be the son of a Greek God.
I was just a normal guy, going to school, playing basketball, skateboarding. The usual. Until I vaporized my maths teacher. That’s when things really started going wrong. Now I spend my time fighting with swords, battling monster with my friends, and generally trying to stay alive.
This is the one where Zeus, God of the Sky, thinks I’ve stolen his lightning bolt – and making Zeus angry is a very bad idea.
Funnily enough, I don’t remember him ever skateboarding. Or playing basketball. But meh.
Just take a look at some of the chapter names, to sense it’s awesomeness. ‘Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death’, ‘A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers’, and the ever classic ‘I Plunge to My Death.’

5.       DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth

I swear, this is going to be the Next Big Thing. Seriously. They’re making a movie of it, and it’s going to go completely viral. It’s pretty epic (as it must be to make it’s way onto this list) and the main character is probably more ‘normal people relatable’ than Katniss and her mental issues.  And yes, this is another futuristic novel (I liyek dem)
One choice decides your friends, defines your beliefs and determines you loyalties … forever.
When sixteen-year-old Tris makes her choice, she cannot forsee how drastically her life will change. Or that the perfect society in which she lives is about to unfold into a Dystopian world of electrifying decisions, stunning consequences, heartbreaking betrayals and unexpected romance.
Once choice can transform you.
Yaah it’s cool. (though I have noticed everyone seems to be sixteen-year-old. Coincidence? I think not.)

And yes, I know, Harry Potter did not make it onto this list. It would be next, along with The Mortal Instruments and the Inheritance Cycle. But I do not have all day (I do really – the benefits of having no social life) and Harry’s anger management issues deter me somewhat. So this is the end of the list.

Look out for Movies that everyone should be forced to watch, and Youtubers that everyone should be aware of, probably coming soon(ish).

Saturday, 12 January 2013

The Hunger Games X Disney Princesses

Rapunzel gazed out at the arena. A large forest spread out before her, and in the distance she could see a lake. What mattered though was the Cornucopia in front of her. She searched the piles in front of it with her eyes, scanning them for the weapon she knew she needed. The she spotted it.
A frypan. 
She knew Eugene had told her to avoid the Cornucopia, but this changed everything.
She glanced cautiously to either side of her. Belle was on one side, looking determined. Snow White was on the other side, gazing around the forest in wonder. Rapunzel wondered which of them would be the first to die.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a huge explosion. Rapunzel turned towards it. It seemed that Aurora hadn’t been able to keep herself awake. As soon as she fell asleep, she dropped off her platform onto the ground, and the explosives below. Rapunzel grimly turned back to the Cornucopia. There was no time to think on that now. The clock was counting down.
As soon as it hit one, Rapunzel leapt to the ground and sprinted towards the Cornucopia, towards her precious frypan. She wasn’t the first to reach the golden horn. Belle was there, grabbing a bow and arrows. Rapunzel grasped her frypan and turned to sprint towards the trees, her long plait trailing on the ground. Suddenly, she was jolted back. Belle had fired an arrow into her braid, pinning it to the ground. She attempted to free it, but it was too late. Belle sent another arrow spiralling towards her, and Rapunzel was the second to fall.
Ariel ran away from the action, into the woods, heading in the direction where she had seen a lake.
Snow White and Cinderella silently formed a pact, running off into the woods together.
Jasmine sprinted in the opposite direction to the others.
At the end of the day, there were only those two deaths. Belle, Mulan and Princess Fiona stayed by the Cornucopia, taking full stock of the weapons and forming plans to hunt down the other four.
The next day, the three Careers ventured into the woods to look for Cinderella and Snow White. They figured that they were going in the right direction when they heard singing up ahead. They emerged into a clearing to see Snow White talking to some woodland animals. Belle had drawn her bow to shoot, when Cinderella came out of nowhere, attacking Mulan from behind. Mulan spun, pulling out her sword, but Cinderella had the advantage, since her fairy godmother had heard her wishes for safety and sent her a full suit of armour and sword.
While they were distracted Snow White had been gathering a small army of woodland creatures, and now she sent them towards Belle and Princess Fiona. They quickly sprang into action, Belle picking of the creatures one by one with her bow. Fiona was swiftly overcome, disappearing under a swarm of small creatures. Left alone for the time being, Belle dropped her bow over and pulled out a sword, sprinting towards Snow White. Her animals jumped forwards to protect her, but Belle could not be stopped. She reached Snow White, and with a single strike, there was another Princess gone.
Meanwhile, Cinderella and Mulan were still fighting fiercely. When Cinderella saw Snow White fall, she gave a cry of anguish and turned, running back into the woods. Mulan and Belle decided there wasn’t time to pursue her.
Cinderella only had a temporary reprieve. As she crashed through the woods, she alerted another of the Princesses hiding there. The first Cinderella knew of her demise was a flash of orange and black stripes rushing towards her, then nothing.
Mulan and Belle headed back to the Cornucopia, and after talking, they decided that Ariel would be their next target. They guessed she would head towards water, so they set off in the direction of the lake. Little did they know, they were being followed.
That night, Ariel sat on a large rock in the middle of the lake to watch the faces that appeared in the sky. Snow White, Fiona and Cinderella, all dead. She added it up. Only four of them left now. She figured that Jasmine was the one to watch out for. Though she kept mostly to herself, Ariel was certain she had a devious streak.
Jasmine herself was hiding in a tree, watching Mulan and Belle set up camp, Rajah on the branch above her. She waited until the two of them were sleeping, and then jumped from the tree, Rajah following her, descending upon Belle in a streak of black and orange. Belle awoke as he landed, screaming at the sight of him, until she was silenced. Mulan bolted from her bed, grabbing her sword and turning to face Jasmine. The two of them circled each other warily, looking for weaknesses. Unfortunately for Mulan, she hadn’t seen how Belle had died, so she was completely unprepared when Rajah jumped from the tree above her and pinned her down, giving Jasmine time to go in for the final blow.
Ariel heard both cannons sound, closer to her than she expected. Someone was coming, whoever it was, she did not know. But there were only two of them left now. She retrieved her trident, sent to her by her father, and dove into the water, swimming closer to the shore. She watched as Jasmine stepped out from the tree line, Rajah beside her. Jasmine drew her sword and stepped forward into the water. She halted when she realised that Rajah wasn’t following her, as, unluckily for Jasmine, her fearsome tiger was afraid of water. She sighed in disgust and continued purposefully toward Ariel, leaving him stranded on the bank. When the two Princesses reached one another, Jasmine instantly sprang into action, slicing her sword upwards. However, the seawater slowed her stroke, and Ariel was able to easily block it, having fought in this environment many times. The two girls battled fiercely, until Ariel used her trident to trip Jasmine up, and as she sunk, struck the death blow.
The cannon sounded and Ariel stood in the water, her red hair swirling around her, as the announcement she had been waiting for boomed out across the country.
‘Princess Ariel is the winner of the 76th annual Hunger Games!’

((Don’t ask me how Rajah got into the arena … It was a very large parachute, okay?))

Friday, 11 January 2013


Yay :)
I am happy because apparently people actually read my ramblings. I feel so honored. So ... I got tagged for the Weirdest Things meme by the author of A Mirror Made of Words. And I know that I practically just posted an essay before, and I’m probably clogging up the inboxes of anyone who has opted to receive my posts by email, but it looked pretty fun so I decided to do it RIGHT NOW because I have no life :3
So ... now you all get to learn weird things about me

 What do you think the weirdest colour is?
Hmm... this one took some thought. Probably red .... because people have so many different interpretations of it. I mean, it can represent both love and anger …. ???? Am I the only one who finds that slightly strange? Also, it’s kinds a scary colour, because not only do bulls charge at it, in movies where people have to diffuse bombs, they’re always meant to cut the red wire … but they can never remember if it’s the right one. Also stop signs are red.
And now I’m rambling. I should probably stop doing that.

 What is the weirdest TV show/movie you have ever seen?
Dirt Girl world. It is the scariest TV show in existence. My little sister watches it, and I don’t see how it doesn’t bloody scare her half to death. All the weird little people have eyebrows that move independently of their other facial expressions and they spend their time talking to creepy bugs. It scares me so much.
What is the weirdest food you have ever tried?
I really don’t eat that much weird stuff, but the weirdest food I have ever seen anyone eat was when I was in a restaurant with my dad and he ordered octopus.
And that is what he got. An entire octopus on a plate. It was small, admittedly, but still a whole octopus. Tentacles and all. He tried to get me to eat some, as this was before my vegetarianism began, but I was not up for it.
So I know technically I didn’t eat it but still. Actually, the weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten was Spam, which I probably could have said at the start, but hey, my train of thought operates differently to the norm.

 What is the weirdest drink you have ever tried?
Dr Pepper. I got one of my cousins to buy me some when he was in America, because that’s what book characters who live there always seem to drink. It was a really bizarre taste. As in, I took one sip and almost died. I don’t understand how this company is still in business. You people all have issues.

Who is your weirdest friend?
Oooohhh let’s look through my extensive list of my …. what? Three friends? Um, well really it depends what you define weird as. I mean, I’m most people’s definition of weird, but to me that’s normal, so all of my friends are really normal. But if we’re going for labels here, then sure, I can do that. My weirdest friend is Nicki Minaj. Sure, I don’t actually know her, but if I did then she would definitely be the most qualified person for this question, so yeah, let’s just leave it at that.

What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen on the internet?
Weirdest thing I’ve seen on the internet? Hmmm. That lady who is deathly afraid of owls. She does macramé and all these kids come in and make macramé owls, and she has a total freak-out about it, so then she smashes all her plates and throws a table and knocks down a wall. It’s pretty funny, but weird to about the tenth power…
What is the weirdest thing your pet has ever done?
Well *takes deep breath* I used to own a carpet python (I know, just your average everyday pet, right?) and one night after I’d fallen asleep (I was eight at the time) my mum came in to check on Augustus (the python). Upon discovering that he wasn’t in his cage, instead of panicking and calling whoever it is you call to come catch snakes for you, as would be the sane option, her solution was to put a towel across the bottom of the door so he couldn’t crawl out. Then she left me in the room with the snake (yeah good one mum). So in the morning when I woke up, there was a large snake in bed with me, with it’s head resting on my pillow. Luckily, it had decided not to eat me because it had found my panda pillow pet first (poor Clementine, may she rest in peace) and it was happily digesting that.
So yeah, basically a panda pillow pet saved my life.
Now that went off topic just a little.

What is the weirdest book you have ever read?
Hard one there. I read lots of weird stuff. Ummm I don’t think manga was originally intended to be part of this, but I’m going to make it that it is, because the weirdest thing I can ever remember reading is a manga called Peach Fuzz about a hamster.
I was really bored so I just clicked on the mangareader link to give me a random manga and it did.
Can’t say I’ve done that again, nor am I planning on it.
There are some weird manga out there.
Like, seriously.

 What is the weirdest blog you follow?
I don’t follow blogs. I probably should. It’d give me something else to do with my time, I guess.

 I know I’m now meant to tag at least three other people in this, but I kinda can’t ‘cause as I said before I don’t follow any blogs and I don’t even know anyone who blogs so yeah …..


The instant they left I totally cacked it. I was laughing so hard I ended up crying. It was just really funny to think about, a bunch of Sith and Jedi battling it out in a shopping centre until they were joined by a bunch of superheros, then finally having to leg it from the cops.

I wondered what the people watching had thought.

Ruby and the other girl looked at me a little weirdly, obviously not finding it quite as hysterical as I did (you probably won’t either … in retrospect it wasn’t really that funny. Just bloody awesome.) When I finally recovered, Ruby and I introduced ourselves, and she said her name was Thalia, which caused me to have another total fangirl moment, then sink into a pit of depression on remembering the demise of Percy and Annabeth in Mark of Athena.

By now I think Thalia had realised that I was the slightly weirder one of the two of us, who took ‘fangirling too far’, as John had once said, in the moments before he dumped me (more on that later … maybe. It depends if I can bring myself to describe that shameful portion of my life.)
She and Ruby struck up a conversation, as Thalia texted her friends to see where they had ended up. She seemed to be explaining to Ruby that the reason the coppers had been chasing us was because, technically, we were creating a public disturbance, which is illegal.
I’m pretty sure if she had been aware of this fact earlier, Ruby would have been slightly less happy to join me in my rampage. This had been known to me, which was why I hadn’t informed her of the possible implications beforehand.
To cut this story short, because it is becoming far too long, we ended up meeting up with Thalia’s friends. They were pretty cool about us interrupting their public demonstration, and the original Sith (whose name was Theodore and who happened to be really cute up close, he had the whole tall, dark and handsome thing going for him; kind of like William Herondale *sigh* but green eyed.) congratulated us and asked for our numbers so he could call us next time he was planning something. Ruby wasn’t really up for it, because she thought he might be a stalker, but my attitude was more ‘hey, a really good looking Sith just asked for my number! Now what would be the logical thing to do?’
Obviously, I let him have it, in return for his.
Sadly, the time came too soon before Ruby and I were forced to leave, as we had officially been expected back at my house twenty minutes earlier.
So we bid them all adieu.

And now I have spent the last two weeks, staring at my mobile, just waiting for it to ring. I don’t want to call him, because that would be creepy, and because I have no actual reason to do so. So I’m hoping that he decides it would be best (for the fate of the universe) to stage another public disruption sometime in the near future.


When I think about it, it must have seemed pretty strange to the onlookers, Spiderman and Ironman pushing through crowds wielding kick-ass Nerf guns, then gunning down a bunch of Jedi.
They never even knew what hit them.
The first they were aware of our presence was when they were taken down from behind by a hail of Nerf darts.
I’ll give them credit, they responded pretty quickly. Those who had been shot fell beneath our barrage, and the others turned to see what the hell was going on…
Which gave Darth Maul and his friend time to take another one of them down.
This left only three Jedi, versus two Sith Lords and two superheroes with empty Nerf guns (we had foolishly wasted all our bullets on our first attack)
Ruby and I moved closer to the Sith, looking to them for protection. Darth Maul nodded solemnly at us.
The three Jedi stood a small distance away, eyeing us warily, unsure of how to treat these unexpected arrivals. One of them whispered something, and the three of them raised their lightsabers in sync, moving cautiously towards us.
I’m sure the ensuing battle would have been incredible, most likely resulting in both Ruby and I’s deaths, had not one of the ‘corpses’ that littered the ground around us, jumped to it’s feet and yelled
‘Cops! Quick everyone, scatter!’
They seemed to have agreed on the course of action to take, should this happen, earlier, as all the dead bodies jumped to their feet and started to run, closely followed by the Jedi and Sith.
One of the Jedi, the girl who had originally been attacked, turned back to us
‘Come on!’ she yelled ‘Follow us!’
Looking over my shoulder, I saw that, indeed, there was cops descending the escalator, and decided to take a chance and follow these strange people. Luckily, I had my wallet in my coat pocket, and Ruby had kept her backpack on during the assault, so there was no need to return to the fountain.
We dashed after the receding backs of the Starwars crew, catching up to the girl, who had stopped and waited for us, all the while anxiously looking back at the cops.
‘C’mon!’ she said, turning and running in a different direction to the rest of her group, splitting off to the right. We rushed through the crowds, most of the people around eyeing us strangely, probably because Ruby and I were still wearing our masks.
Eventually we broke out through the doors and onto the street, where, just our luck, it happened to be raining (surprise surprise)
The girl led us a little further, into a bus shelter, where we were instructed to ditch the masks and sit on our Nerf guns. She retracted her lightsaber, and when the cops walked out of the doors and looked around wearily, all they saw was three girls sitting at a bus stop.

Part 4 coming soon! In my next post, to be exact J

Thursday, 10 January 2013


We were coming down the escalator when it happened. Since we were up pretty high, we saw everything clearly. A (really pretty cute) guy was just casually walking along. Both of us were watching him because of before mentioned cuteness. He walked past this girl in a long trench coat and stopped suddenly, turning to watch her as she continued to walk on. He stuck his hand inside his jacket, which cause Ruby to clutch my arm in a death grip, her over active imagination turning him into a suicide bomber or the like.
But no.
The truth was far more sinister.
He pulled out a lightsaber, pressing a button on the handle and causing a red blade slide out. He raised the lightsaber above his head, and sprinted towards the girl, bringing it down in an arc….
Only to be blocked by the blue lightsaber that she had pulled from her coat pocket. They then began to engage in a fierce battle…
Which was when we reached the ground. We couldn’t see the two of them, as a crowd had gathered and both of us are somewhat vertically challenged.
‘Quick!’ I cried to Ruby. ‘Get to high ground!’
The two of us looked around frantically, until Ruby grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the fountain nearby. The two of us clambered up onto the ledge surrounding it, giving ourselves a clear view of the action. In the time we had been blind, two more Jedi and another Sith had joined in the battle. Lightsabers were flying everywhere, blades glowing and buzzing as they clashed. They all looked around Ruby and I’s age, some of them maybe older, wearing casual clothes. Nothing really out there.
That was, at least, until a casual observer ripped off his long coat and pulled down his hood to reveal a facefull of DARTH MAUL TATTOOS.
From there on in it got a little weirder.
He pulled out at double bladed red lightsaber (which is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen) from a shopping bag, and with a roar, dropped the stuff he was carrying and joined the battle.
One of the Jedi fell beneath his blade, and it looked as though the Sith where going to triumph, until four more Jedi spilled onto the scene.
One of the Sith was quickly killed, leaving only Darth Maul and the original Sith standing. Another Jedi fell beneath the blade of the Sith, but they were still outnumbered five to two, and they were fading fast.
Which was when I decided, lovely as we were, it would be good of us to help out.
‘Quickly Rubes, follow my lead!’ I told her, ripping the plastic off my mask and strapping it onto my face, glancing up to see that another two Jedi had joined the battle, and they had the Sith, who were back to back, surrounded.
Ruby looked at me a little strangely, but followed suit, pulling on her Ironman mask. As she did this, I executed the quickest Nerf gun unwrapping and assemblement in the history of the world. Ruby finished only slightly after me, her gun being somewhat smaller.
‘Okay Rubes, here’s the plan. Go in, kill the Jedi, get out. Got it?’
She nodded in reply, and though I couldn’t see her face beneath the mask, I could swear she was smiling wickedly.
With a yell, we jumped from our platforms, plunging into the crowd and towards the battle.

To be continued at a later date ;)


Okay, as promised …..
Here it is.
My epicly awesome blog post of extreme hilarity.
Which really probably isn’t that funny to just read about.
Had to be there moment and all that.
But still ….. brace yourself.
Are you ready for it? Because it’s here……


So Ruby-Rubes and I were chillin at the shopping centre, in the children’s toy section to be exact ( ‘cause that’s just the way we roll) trying to decide if firing speed or clip capacity is more important in a Nerf gun. In a perfect world, we would all have enough money to buy a Vulcan (the father of all Nerf guns) and then we would have both. Unfortunately, this is reality, and both of us are poor as we don’t have enough work ethic to get a job with which to fund our nerdiness. We had finally decided on which guns to buy (stampede for me, barricade for Ruby) when she spied the guns which fired glow in the dark bullets, which led to another hour of deliberation about whether to spend the extra ten pounds on a glowing gun. Eventually, she decided that the price was too steep for her meagre budget, and I was ready to get the hell out of there, when I spied superhero masks.

They were so beautiful I felt like crying. When Ruby saw them she almost had a heart attack, then she had another one when we discovered they were only 15 pounds. We knew that we were both really too poor to spend money on these things, but they were just so beautiful. In the end I got a Spiderman mask (and was also really tempted to get web blasters – Ruby was forced to talk me out of it) and Ruby got an Ironman one.
Walking out of the shop with them, I was pretty sure I had just quadrupled in awesomeness.
(I can hear you all going ‘where is the funniness? The hilarity we were promised? This is already practically an essay, and I’m bored out of my brain.’ Just be patient, young padawan. It will all come.)

Originally we were planning to leave straight away, but Ruby decided it would be best to take a detour to the bookshop to see if the price on those cloth-bound harry potter books had gone down yet. At the moment they were sitting pretty at 120 pounds, and Ruby was still seriously considering getting them, despite the fact that she already owned the entire series in hardback. Originally I had attempted to dissuade her, but then she told me I could have her hardback ones if she got these new ones. My current Harry Potter collection was paperback and dog-eared, and the half-blood prince (the best book in the series by far) was missing it’s entire front cover.

I shut up pretty quickly after that.
So, in short, we took a detour.
And thank the Lord we did.

You will figure out why in my next post because this one is already too long.

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

I'm so sorry everyone! *bows*
I have been really slack lately. First my internet was down for ages :o so i got out of the blogging habit, and latley i've just been really lazy ...

But I promise I will make it up to you! I will write a long and hilarious post, which I assure you will have you on the groud with laughter. It will be coming soon, so be prepared ......

I apologise once again ( I feel like a terrible human being :/ )
Remember ... be prepared!!!!